Thursday, 26 March 2015

I am making a promise to myself

I want to sew more, which was the plan for quite a while, - and I decided this week that I also want to stretch myself in terms of how many garments or projects I complete within one year.

I know it's no longer January so this isn't a New Year's Resolution as such (I totally suck at them, so that's a very good thing!) - but I already caught up because of the sewing session on 8th March.


I made the jade green simple top in two and a half hours. I could add the time I spent on two previous evenings when I drew up the pattern from my simple black top (can't find that pattern) but I won't.

It was really good to see that I can do it when I push myself.  A wonderful experience!  I can recommend it.  To myself most of all.

I decided that I want to make one garment per quarter year.  So I have three more to do in 2015 to get there.  Which is more than do-able.

If I think that I am easily on track for four this year, then I want to see if I can increase my completion rate to one garment every two months.  This might also be achievable but whenever I put pressure on myself, I fold.  That's it: as soon as I phrase an intention, a promise to myself, an ambition or a goal... I can rely on the fact that I do not, will not and apparently cannot fulfil that.

Why?  Is it so frightening to get things done?  To do what I have an ambition to do?  I could kick myself but I have a real problem with that.  Increasing expectation has always meant decreased success for me.  It is maddening.

I tried to find ways around it: not make plans but try and go for it, split tasks up into smaller steps and just try do one thing at a time... whatever it was it didn't really work.

So now I am trying to push through this terrible resistance that I seem to have taught myself: I am putting up an obstacle to my sewing progress by not completing items.  I am probably scared of success: once I actually make all those garments that I dream about I will be able to compare the actual results with the original ambitious ideas. I am probably just scared that my sewing skills won't measure up. Which they will continue not to if I don't do enough sewing!  I trapped myself in a bit of a catch 22 circle there. It has to stop!

Going for four garments this year needs to be something I can do.  Otherwise I might as well stop sewing and I have no intention of doing that.  My goals are still the same: make garments in colours, patterns and styles that I like, that suit me and that fit me better than shop bought stuff.

And one day I would like to translate my design ideas into practical garment making: giving life to the ideas that run through my head.  It is a wonderfully creative thing that I need to have in my life.

Here's to four garments and finding out if I can do more than that!

I am grimly determined.

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