I want to sew more, which was the plan for quite a while, - and I decided this week that I also want to stretch myself in terms of how many garments or projects I complete within one year.
I know it's no longer January so this isn't a New Year's Resolution as such (I totally suck at them, so that's a very good thing!) - but I already caught up because of the sewing session on 8th March.
I made the jade green simple top in two and a half hours. I could add the time I spent on two previous evenings when I drew up the pattern from my simple black top (can't find that pattern) but I won't.
It was really good to see that I can do it when I push myself. A wonderful experience! I can recommend it. To myself most of all.
I decided that I want to make one garment per quarter year. So I have three more to do in 2015 to get there. Which is more than do-able.
If I think that I am easily on track for four this year, then I want to see if I can increase my completion rate to one garment every two months. This might also be achievable but whenever I put pressure on myself, I fold. That's it: as soon as I phrase an intention, a promise to myself, an ambition or a goal... I can rely on the fact that I do not, will not and apparently cannot fulfil that.
Why? Is it so frightening to get things done? To do what I have an ambition to do? I could kick myself but I have a real problem with that. Increasing expectation has always meant decreased success for me. It is maddening.
I tried to find ways around it: not make plans but try and go for it, split tasks up into smaller steps and just try do one thing at a time... whatever it was it didn't really work.
So now I am trying to push through this terrible resistance that I seem to have taught myself: I am putting up an obstacle to my sewing progress by not completing items. I am probably scared of success: once I actually make all those garments that I dream about I will be able to compare the actual results with the original ambitious ideas. I am probably just scared that my sewing skills won't measure up. Which they will continue not to if I don't do enough sewing! I trapped myself in a bit of a catch 22 circle there. It has to stop!
Going for four garments this year needs to be something I can do. Otherwise I might as well stop sewing and I have no intention of doing that. My goals are still the same: make garments in colours, patterns and styles that I like, that suit me and that fit me better than shop bought stuff.
And one day I would like to translate my design ideas into practical garment making: giving life to the ideas that run through my head. It is a wonderfully creative thing that I need to have in my life.
Here's to four garments and finding out if I can do more than that!
I am grimly determined.